Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A question of dating, hanging out, and making friends...

Hey folks, spurred by a recent FHE conversation and personal pondering I am hoping you will do me a favor.  Read the following talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and leave your comments to the following questions:

 1. What is a date?
 2. How do you make friends with members of the opposite sex without giving or receiving the wrong impression?

1 comment:

Richard said...

1. The rule of thumb that I was always given for what constitutes a date is that it is where a person invites someone of the opposite gender to do something together, and one of them pays for both. From there you can add descriptive terms that modify the definition (double date, dutch date, etc).

2. Most of all, you need to simply be open and honest with them.

That is probably the biggest lesson I've learned since my own divorce. If you are only looking for friendship, come right out and say so. If you are looking for romance, tell them. If you aren't sure, be open about your lack of certainty, and when it becomes clearer to you, let them know then.

Just after my divorce, I had a bit of a rough time figuring it out myself. At first, I wasn't looking for romance, because I was just trying to stabilize myself. I just needed friendship and companionship. I was lucky in that I was able to connect with some good people who have become my friends. There's no romance involved (although in the beginning there was some potential), just solid friendship.

Sometimes, though, there's nothing you can do to keep them from receiving the wrong impression. If they are looking for romance, and you are only looking for friendship, they are going to want to interpret what you do or say as romantic in nature. In such cases, all you can do is be clear about what you are looking for, and hope that they accept it.

In the end, the most you can do is to be yourself, and not be embarrassed of who you are. Someone will either accept you or not, and how they chose to interpret you actions is beyond your control.