Sunday, September 23, 2012

and to be a friend.... Part 1.

Happy Gorgeous Fall Day!!!

I have some thoughts I wanted to write down and share.

Last Sunday I was waiting outside my bishop's office (a bishop is similar to a pastor or a priest)
for a quick meeting.  While I was waiting I was chatting with some fellow ward members 
(a ward means the same as congregation).

I asked the question, "Hey how do people make friends?  I think I've forgotten how."

After a little bit of laughter one guy asked, "What do you mean you've forgotten!?"

"Well" I said, "If I'm going to be completely honest, I think that I've spent so much time thinking about dating and getting married and making sure I'm doing everything I think I'm supposed to do that I've forgotten how to just be friends with someone."

There was a split second when I worried that I had divulged my weakness to an unforgiving audience
and then one of my male friends spoke up, "I completely understand what you mean.  Guys are under a lot of pressure.  There's a lot of feeling guilty.  We know we should be dating and getting married but how do we get to know the girls?  The only time we have is on Sundays for three hours at church and then maybe at a few other activities scattered here and there.  So the pressure is on at church to make a good impression, but then you worry that you are not being your true self.  And everyone is in the same boat.  We are all trying to find someone but the stress is huge and becoming friends seems to fall by the wayside." 

It was very interesting to hear this from him.  From the outside he is a guy that has everything going for him.  He seems very self assured without being arrogant.  He could have his pick of amazing women as he is a truly amazing man.  And yet, to hear that he (and other men from his explanation) feel just as stressed out, scared and frustrated as my female friends and I do was interesting and alarming.  

How do men and women expect to get to know each other authentically 
when both sides are laden with stress, guilt and fear?

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